By Esther Claudette Gittens

Love is a complex and deeply personal experience, and people express and receive it in different ways. Some individuals find comfort in hearing the words “I love you”, while others value actions over verbal affirmations. A significant portion of people prefer love to be demonstrated rather than simply spoken because actions provide tangible proof of care, commitment, and devotion.

On the other hand, those who constantly demand to hear “I love you” might feel a void in emotional fulfillment—possibly because their partner is failing to express love in meaningful ways. In some cases, their insistence on verbal affirmation may stem from insecurity, desperation, or a lack of genuine emotional connection in the relationship.

This article explores why many people prefer love to be shown rather than told, the psychology behind verbal affirmations, and why a persistent demand for “I love you” can sometimes signal deep dissatisfaction and emotional emptiness.

Why Actions Speak Louder Than Words in Love

The phrase “Actions speak louder than words” is particularly relevant when it comes to love. While words can be easily spoken, faked, or overused, actions are harder to fabricate. A person who genuinely loves someone demonstrates that love through their behavior, choices, and consistent efforts.

1. Words Can Be Deceptive, Actions Are More Honest

Anyone can say “I love you”, but not everyone can back up those words with genuine effort and consistency. Some people use empty words to manipulate, pacify, or control their partners without truly committing to the relationship.

• A partner who frequently says “I love you” but never makes time, forgets special occasions, or disregards their partner’s needs is not truly showing love.
• Conversely, a person who doesn’t always verbalize their feelings but consistently prioritizes, supports, and sacrifices for their partner is proving their love through actions that cannot be faked.

2. True Love Is Expressed in Daily Gestures

Love is often found in small, everyday moments—not just in grand declarations or romantic words.

• Cooking a meal when your partner is tired
• Holding their hand when they are anxious
• Remembering their preferences and making them feel valued
• Standing by them during tough times

These actions communicate love far more profoundly than a simple “I love you” ever could. Love is in what you do, not just what you say.

3. People Who Prefer Actions Over Words Value Authenticity

Many people who say “Show me you love me” prioritize real connection and meaningful actions over verbal flattery. They understand that:

• Talk is cheap—words alone don’t sustain relationships.
• Love should be demonstrated, not just stated—empty promises won’t hold a relationship together.
• Consistency is key—occasional “I love yous” without actions to back them up mean nothing.

This preference for action-based love is often a sign of emotional maturity and a deeper understanding of relationships.

Why Do Some People Desperately Demand to Hear “I Love You”?

While everyone appreciates hearing “I love you” from time to time, some people constantly demand verbal affirmations. This often stems from underlying emotional dissatisfaction, insecurity, or fear.

1. They May Feel Unloved Because Love Is Not Being Shown

A person who repeatedly asks “Do you love me?” or constantly says “Tell me you love me” may feel that love is not being demonstrated in the relationship. This verbal reassurance becomes a substitute for the emotional security they are missing.

• If a partner is emotionally unavailable, neglectful, or inconsistent, the other person may crave verbal affirmations as a way to feel momentarily reassured.
• The more they feel unloved, the more they seek repeated verbal validation—even though it never truly fills the void left by missing actions.

2. Desperation Often Comes From Insecurity or Fear

Some individuals desperately demand verbal love due to deep-seated insecurities.

• If someone has abandonment issues or has been hurt in the past, they may need to hear “I love you” constantly to feel secure.
• A partner who is insecure or anxious may see words as the only way to confirm that they are still loved.
• If love is not shown in actions, they may fear that words are the only thing keeping the relationship together.

3. Repeatedly Asking for Love Can Be a Sign of Emotional Dependence

A healthy relationship should have a balance of verbal and action-based love. However, if someone is obsessed with hearing “I love you” multiple times a day, it could indicate emotional dependence or a lack of self-worth.

• People who are secure in their relationships don’t need constant verbal reassurance. They feel loved through actions and trust in their partner’s commitment.
• Those who repeatedly demand verbal affirmations may be seeking validation rather than love.

This is why demanding “I love you” does not create real security—it simply masks a deeper problem that actions alone could resolve.

The Best Approach: A Balance of Actions and Words

While actions are the most powerful expression of love, words also have a place in a healthy relationship. The best approach is a balance between:

• Demonstrating love through consistent actions (time, effort, care, sacrifice)
• Expressing love verbally in meaningful ways (rather than forced or frequent affirmations)

1. Words Should Complement Actions, Not Replace Them

Hearing “I love you” feels good—but only if it is backed by genuine actions.

• A partner who says it but doesn’t show it is not truly expressing love.
• A partner who shows it but never says it may leave the other person feeling unacknowledged.
• The best relationships combine consistent loving actions with heartfelt verbal expressions.

2. If Someone Is Demanding “I Love You,” Ask Why

If a partner keeps asking for verbal love, it’s important to understand the root cause.

• Are they feeling unloved because actions are missing?
• Do they have past trauma that makes them need verbal security?
• Are they emotionally dependent on constant validation?

Understanding their emotional needs can help resolve the issue.

3. A Relationship Built on Words Alone Will Fail

A couple that relies solely on verbal affirmations but lacks action-based love is likely to struggle. Real connection is built through presence, care, and effort.

• If a person always says “I love you” but never makes sacrifices, their words will lose meaning.
• If a person always shows love but never acknowledges it verbally, their partner may feel unappreciated.
• A strong relationship requires both words and actions to reinforce love.

Conclusion: Real Love Is Shown, Not Just Spoken

While saying “I love you” is important, it should never replace genuine effort and consistent actions. Many people prefer love to be shown rather than told because:

• Actions are proof of love, while words can be empty.
• Love is in the small, daily gestures that demonstrate care.
• Those who demand “I love you” excessively may be seeking verbal reassurance due to a lack of emotional fulfillment.

The best relationships combine both words and actions, ensuring that love is not only heard but also felt. If someone constantly demands verbal affirmations, it may indicate a deeper issue that actions alone can fix.

Ultimately, love is not about saying the right words—it’s about showing up, being there, and proving it every day.

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